The Island of Misfit Photos

SOMETHING YOU NEVER SEE: a bike with a license plate that says "Drive."

REASON #612. Commuting by bike ain't bad.

SHRED TURN FACE.

FATTY MUD JAM.

TAKEN ON THE CLIMB AT WHITE RANCH. "From up here, those people look like ants. Ants next to enormous houses."

CONES ARE AERO. The carbon version will be out next year.

MORE CHAMOIS CREAM. 93 miles to go.

WORN OUT CLEATS WILL MAKE YOU UGLY. Replace them occasionally. Unless you enjoy picking scabs.

LIFE ISN'T PERFECT. But it's still pretty good.

Video of the Week

A Funky Monkey does Naughty Karate

Rebecca says some things about the new Karate Monkey OPS.

The Karate Monkey OPS is both new and old; the frame has seen very few changes since Surly first released the Karate Monkey many years ago (one of the first production 29ers on the market, if you can remember that time before there were things other than wheel sizes to talk about). Well, now Surly has changed a couple of things about the Monkey frame, and for the first time they're selling the stock model with Shimano Deore components and a suspension fork. Because she knew you'd have questions, and also because she really wanted to, Rebecca recently took the OPS model out for a ride. 

First, let's get the techy business out of the way. The Monkey OPS now has a 44mm headtube. Just think about how much more karate is possible with a 44mm headtube. Also, the rear dropouts are modular, allowing you to run a 12x142 thru-axle, horizontal, or standard dropouts. Shimano Deore mostly means: gears! On an out-of-the-box Karate Monkey! Doesn't that karate your mind to pieces?

Rebecca has been riding a full suspension carbon 29er for awhile now (Santa Cruz Tallboy), and she hasn't ridden a hardtail since she was just getting into (i.e. "hating") mountain biking. Thus, she was as skeptical about the Monkey as she was excited. Climbing is her nemesis (much as Batman's nemesis is throat cancer), and lugging a steel bike up a hill just didn't sound like fun to her. However, at the top of Evergreen Mountain, she said, "I've been smiling all the way up this climb."

Climbsmile: a heretofore unseen sight.

If you've ridden with her, you know how weird this is. At the top of most climbs, if she says anything at all, it's usually more like this.

The next thing she said was, "This bike is my mistress." You can thank me for not publishing photos of the PDA that followed. Instead, here are photos that show how nice that sparkly orange "Spray Tan" color looks in the sun.

Orange is the new fast.

On short, technical climbs, Rebecca surprised herself by cleaning things she's never cleaned before. As you know, hardtails are known to climb well. Rebecca found the difference to be dramatic.

At one point during the ride, during one of the rare moments when I was able to catch up to her, she said the Monkey was putting her in a different state of mind. "I can feel the ground underneath me, and I'm paying more attention to the trail. Full suspension lets you kind of zone out."

When it came time to descend, she sent me off first, thinking she'd need a few minutes to get comfortable shredding on a hardtail. I stopped to take a picture and then didn't see her again until I got to the parking lot. Part of that has to do with my own style of descending on a hardtail, which often goes a lot like this, but much if it had to do with Rebecca riding that Monkey as if they were giving free pie away at the trailhead.

As we loaded the car, I asked how she'd liked the descent. "I wasn't going any slower," she said, "but everything was a lot blurrier."

Here, speaking of blurry, is the picture I stopped to take.

Some folks may be unimpressed by the Deore components. When I asked Rebecca what she thought about them, she said, "Oh, what? I wasn't even thinking about them." That's pretty much exactly what you want out of your components--to remain invisible during your ride. The way that Shimano's technology keeps trickling down to lower and lower component tiers has made for some extremely solid Deore parts. The rear derailleur has a clutch and the brakes feel better than my two year-old SLX brakes (which, despite being a tier below the XT "standard," are still performing flawlessly now into their third season).

If you have any questions about this bike, feel free to ask Rebecca, but just to warn you she's going to get excited and you won't be able to interpret much of what she says. Her answer will involve a lot of sound effects and as she stands there talking she will become increasingly out of focus. 

Video of the Week

Keep Your Bike

If you read this blog on a cellular telephone, then there's a chance that you do not know about a feature called "The Video of the Week." "The Video of the Week" is posted once a week in "tandem" with each blog post. If you read this blog on a "desktop computer" (or a "laptop") you can see "The Video of the Week" over there in the right-hand "column." If you're reading this on a cellular telephone, however, you would have to scroll all the way down to the bottom of the "page," where you would find "The Video of the Week" from all the weeks past. For your convenience, the video of the week will now be posted both in the right-hand column as well as at the bottom of the post. Yay for videos! 

In this week's video, a guy named Hal grades New Yorkers on how well they've locked up their bikes. Most people haven't done a very good job. Denver is not New York, but nearly every day a customer mentions having had a bike stolen in the recent past, so please take precautions. Hal has been doing this for awhile, and he knows what he's talking about. If you like your bike (and your wheels), take Hal's advice on locks. Take or leave his advice on fashion.

Concussions: I Don't Know What Year it is Either

I was riding with a friend who is a much stronger rider than I, and who also has far more training in emergency medicine than I. When I caught up to him after he went over the bars, he was sitting in a pile of rocks with the wheels of his overturned bike spinning in the air behind him, and he looked up at me with his finger pointed ninety degrees in the wrong direction and said, "I don't know what to do." It was totally unfair. I'm just an idiot. You can't take me along on a ride and expect me to respond to something like that in a meaningful way.

Once he set his dislocated finger, which he later found out was broken, we checked his helmet for signs of impact. There were none. We sat under a tree for awhile and he seemed completely himself. There were no signs that he'd suffered a concussion, but a few hours later he was slurring his speech so badly that he was unintelligible. 

So how do you diagnose something that's extremely dangerous but invisible? Some of the signs are obvious. Dizziness, delays in communication, emotional instability, poor coordination or balance, slurred speech, problems with memory or concentration, nausea or vomiting, and confusion. (Obviously, if a friend takes a spill and loses consciousness for any amount of time, the ride is over. Even if they insist on continuing, you need to walk their bike back to the car for them and drive them to the doctor.)

This is how your friend may behave if he or she has a concussion:

If your friend takes a rough fall, take a long rest. Wait twenty or thirty minutes before resuming the ride. Ask lots of questions to assess their mental acuity as well as any symptoms they may be feeling, as they may not recognize that they are feeling them until you ask. If they are pretty shaken up, they may have a concussion even if they didn't strike their head. If their teeth or ears are ringing, their jaw may have clamped shut fast enough to give them a concussion. 

Nobody likes to cut a ride short, but continuing to ride with a concussion is about the worst thing a person can do. The health of your friend's brain is more important than recreation. If you in any way suspect your riding partner has a concussion, take it very easy, get back to the car, and make sure your friend won't be alone for the rest of the day in case symptoms develop. Don't let them engage in physical or mental activity. Stay out of the sun and avoid alcohol. 

It's a tough line to draw. You shouldn't call of a ride just because your friend has a scratched leg and says she's okay. She probably is. However, if she takes a really rough fall, take your time. Be honest with each other. If there's any doubt, call it. Don't leave your friend alone in case she becomes confused. Use your brain, because she might be unable to.

Anyway, this ends the safety lecture from your mom. Take care of each other.

How to Paint Your Ugly Storefront

Let's say you have an ugly storefront. It's not your fault that it's ugly, but there's no denying that it's repulsive and that you need to do something about it. The first thing you need to do is to buy some paint and primer at your local paint store. It will cost you about $70, but it will be worth it to have a storefront that presents a unified appearance that passersby may find pleasing to the eye. This kind of chore isn't anything you're looking forward to, but it's the kind of thing you're going to do because it's responsible.

Next you will need to find some appropriate paint clothes. You may fancy yourself to be the kind of painter who never spills a drop, but paint clothes are a good idea nonetheless. You know that the more you like the shirt you're wearing, the larger the splotch you're sure to ruin it with. Dress appropriately and save yourself the heartbreak. You dress appropriately because you are, unarguably, responsible. Here's a model in traditional painter's wear.

Once you're dressed and ready to go, make sure you have the following supplies: paint brush, paint roller and tray, drop cloth, ladder, stir stick, can opener, rags, and a hammer. Line them up neatly in a row to make sure you remembered everything. Did you remember sunscreen? It's what responsible people wear.

You'll want to start with a primer that will cover old stains and give the paint a more lustrous, even appearance. Make sure your primer is correctly formulated to match your topcoat. You may want special UV-resistant primer if you're painting surfaces that catch a lot of sun. Apply several thin coats for best results. Breaking an ankle or a neck by falling off a ladder is something irresponsible people do, so if you're painting in hard-to-reach places, get plenty of help. 

Okay, great job! Your primer coat is applied! Stand back and admire your handiwork.

Much better! Now, you're going to let that dry for at least twenty-four hours, and while that happens, make sure to clean up your mess. If you plan to use the same paint tray and roller for the paint, clean everything thoroughly to avoid having dried chips of primer contaminate your paint. Professional painters call these chips "boogers."

Alright, now that you've let your primer dry for 24 hours, you are ready to apply your first coat of exterior paint. Remember to lay it on and smooth it off. While you're rolling vertically, it's okay to leave roller marks. After you've coated an area with vertical strokes, go back over the same area making horizontal strokes without loading the roller with paint. This will make for a very smooth, even coat. Lots and lots of repetition. Think: smooth, smooth, smooth.

Again, scrub every last bit of paint from your tray and roller, and save your roller sleeve in an airtight container overnight, and then apply the final coat of paint. Go slow and be careful. Yes, there are other things you'd rather be doing, but sometimes it's best to buckle down and do your chores. That's the only way you can get amazing results like a paint job you can really brag about:

Well, actually, it looks like you haven't painted anything but instead wasted a lot of valuable time riding your bike around. This is no good. No good at all. When you die, people will think of you and only remember your ugly storefront. I hope you're happy. 

Well, you're really in deep trouble, and we'd really like to stick around to see that you face the consequences, but see, there's this group ride starting here in about thirty minutes, and we really have to get going, so you just sit right there and think on what you've done. Unless you want to come with us. You should. Come with us.