The Monarch Crest Trail is Stupid
Yawp Cyclery
It's likely that you've been hearing for years about how the Monarch Crest trail is stupid. If you've never ridden it, you may be wondering what exactly could possibly make it so stupid.
The first dumb thing is that you should probably take the $20 shuttle from Poncha Springs, which leaves at 8am. What that means is that you more than likely will need to get to the Salida area at least the night before, and what that means is that you'll probably end up camping in some dumb, ugly mountainous place where you can see all the stars and meteorites and wildlife and stuff. There is not even one streetlight or like blasting stereo in the distance to help you keep your bearings whilst wandering around after dark. At night time, the mountainous places near Salida tend to look something like this:
Nothing to see but the eyes of the stupid predator about to eat you.
You'll end up sleeping next to a stream or a lake or something else irritatingly pleasant, and circumstance will more or less force you to have some kind of campfire and the campfire will more or less force you to have some kind of conversational interaction with whomever you've brought with you. There is no TV to watch, no Facebook to pet, and nothing to buy. It's downright communist out there.
After your long night of aggravatingly good sleep, you'll have to wake up and prepare for the entire day you're about to waste on a mountain bike. You'll have to pay extra close attention whilst packing to make sure you've dutifully included all of the items on your checklist, such as a can of beer, an asiago portobello sandwich, Toblerone, et al.
Then you'll have to ride your bike all day through some of the ugliest country out there.
You can't even hear the light rail station from here. It's so stupid.
Honestly, this crap is 100% un-shredable.
These people wish they'd stayed home and spent the day changing furnace filters and sweeping dust out from under the sofa with a paper towel rubber-banded to a yardstick.
This person is keeping himself entertained by imagining he's watching cat videos.
This person is drinking away the regret he feels about coming on this ride.
We don't know why this person is smiling. He is probably deranged.
Prepare yourself for grueling hike-a-bikes across vast, barren moonscapes.
You, like these people, may tire of staring at dusty, blown-out trail, and may have to stop and gather and convene about whether to slog on or just mix up the poison Kool-Aid and end it.
So if you're one of the very few insane people in the world who feel like riding your mountain bike all day on tacky soil for very little money, then please be our guests and go ahead and ride the Monarch Crest trail, but don't say we didn't warn you.
Merino Wool Pre-Order
Don't forget that you have one week left to submit your order for our customized merino wool gear. The deadline to order is SUNDAY, AUGUST 17th at 4:00pm. Garments will not be available in the store, so that will be your last chance. If you like any of the mock-ups below, give us a call or stop by the store to make your order. It'll take a while after the orders go in for the printing to happen. We're not sure when we'll be able to get the final products to you, but we're betting it will be 6-8 weeks(ish).
Have you worn merino wool before? If you haven't, get the notion of scratchy, heavy wool out of your mind. It's the softest, most comfortable, least stinky thing you will ever wear. If you were Obi Wan Kenobi, merino is the material you want to die and then come back as a Jedi ghost in.
The t-shirts will be coming from our pals at Icebreaker. We're working on getting sizing charts for their Tech T's. Men's shirts come in black and red, women's in black and patina. T-shirts are $70 apiece.
The merino jerseys and hoodies are made by Surly. The long sleeve jersey is the only item that is available in women's sizes. Please use the men's sizing chart for the short sleeve jersey and the hoodie (and, if you're a man, the long sleeve jersey, obviously).
Short sleeve jerseys are $125. Long sleeve jerseys are $145. Hoodies are $180.
Here's the sizing chart for everything but the t-shirts:
lease hit us up with questions. A few of the Surly items are in stock in the store, if you want to try one on for size.